learning

Sometimes things happen in our lives that we cannot explain or understand why God would allow. This past year, I have found myself asking the same question over and over again…why? I have been at my lowest, experienced such grief, such sorrow, hatred, believed all the lies the enemy could feed to one person, such despair and loneliness beyond compare. Why did God allow certain situation and circumstances to happen to me? Why did God hate me so much? I turned to every form of comfort the world had to offer me, instead of resting in the comfort that God was still in control no matter what. I spent so much time searching for answers that I was missing out on the lessons and blessings He was trying to teach me. “God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand his wisdom, but we simply have to trust his will.” I’m not sure who said that, but oh how true it is. I cannot change my past. I cannot take back my mistakes. I cannot forget my past circumstances. I can however, lean on His everlasting arms. I can wake up every morning choosing to be the wife and mom He has called me to be. I can let my past shape me into the person God wants/calls me to be. I can show the love of Christ with others, even those that have harmed me. I’m sharing/confessing my testimony for two reasons. First, no matter how far you stray, no matter what you’re going through God has not left your side and never will. He will always be there waiting with open arms. Its pretty awesome that the maker of Heaven and Earth is the one that loves you more than life. Secondly, I believe one of the greatest gifts God can give to someone is the gift of life. Even through my sin and despair God has chosen to bless our family with another baby. We will be welcoming our precious, Naomi Jean into our family in June. I am beyond thankful that my husband has loved me as he’s been commanded to. He has definitely loved me with the same love that Christ has for His church. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to look back and be thankful for my past, but I know I will be thankful for the lessons and blessings I received because of it. Because of His love I can trade my ashes in for beauty, wear forgiveness like a crown and lay every burden at the foot of the cross. And now that I have gone through this valley I can stand upon the mountain of God.